


It's been four years.

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 07:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4092388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been four years since Jacksons death, how is Aaron coping?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's been four years.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not what I was expecting to write today, but as its 7th June I thought it appropriate.

Aaron bought a six pack and was making his way over when he bumped into Robert.

Today of all days Aaron wished Robert would just leave him alone, he had somewhere to be.

“What do you want Robert?” Aaron asked feeling deflated.

“I know what day it is Aaron.”

Aaron was angry now.

How dare he? How dare he be the one to remember when the people closest to him forgot?

“You’ve got no right ok, just leave me alone.”

“Fine, just know that I’m here if you need me.”

Aaron just walked away, leaving Robert to worry about him.

His mum, Paddy, Adam, no one else seems to care just how much this day was going to hurt. But even after everything that had happened between them he had remembered. What did that mean?

…………

“Alright mate, sorry it’s been a while.”

He sat in front of him and opened a beer, and placed it on the gravestone.

He opened one for himself and said cheers, holding the can up to the sky before taking a swig. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a blade, he laid it next to the open beer. He’s not sure why he brought the blade, he hadn’t used it for a while but it made he feel comfortable having it close, just in case.

“I suppose you wanna know what’s been going on,”

“I’m not sure where to start.” He tells Jackson everything, he opens his heart and just starts talking knowing Jackson will listen.

“But now it’s all gone wrong,” Aaron says with tears in his eyes.

“He’s an arrogant, stuck up, posh twat. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He uses people, he used me, he’s used to getting what he wants and he doesn’t care who he hurts to get it,” the tears falling freely down Aarons face now.

“He asked me to run away with him, can you believe it, after everything, but I couldn’t do it Jackson.”

“I love him but I can’t live in secret, you know that, he isn’t being honest with himself about who he is, I went through hell to get where I am today and I can’t go back, I won’t go back.” Aaron grabbed another can.

“I pushed him away, the one person I’ve felt something real for since, well, since you and I pushed him away.”

He wiped the tears with the back of his hand and took another swig of beer. It felt good to talk to someone, and he knew that Jackson was always there for him, no matter how many times he screwed up.

“Why did you have to leave me? Everything would be alright if you were here. What do you think we’d be doing right now,” he asked laughing through the tears.

“I know one thing you’d be so disappointed in me, in the man I’ve become.”

His hand reached out for another can, his third of the day but hesitated as he saw the blade.

‘ _No,_ ’ Aaron thought, no matter what he was feeling he knew he was stronger than that.

He took the can and downed it in one, and proceeded to open another.

“What am I going to do Jackson? I can’t stop thinking about him and he doesn’t care. He’s gone back to his precious family and I’m left broken again.”

The beer was starting to kick in now and the tears were back in full force.

“I’m not even sure I deserve to be loved.”

“What did you see in me Jackson, how did you love me before I even knew what love was?”

He was on the last can now and it was starting to get dark. He closed his eyes and laid down his head and tried to remember the last thing Jackson had said to him.

_‘Please don’t forget about me’_

“You meant the world to me Jackson, and I know I don’t visit as often as I should but I’ll never forget about you mate, never.”

He curls up around the headstone and cries until he finally falls asleep.

……………

Robert has been worried about Aaron all day, he seemed so angry when he brought the anniversary up earlier. He was contemplating contacting him when his phone rang.

“Look you’re the last person I want to speak to but Aaron hasn’t come home and I’m worried, he better not be with you.”

“Hello to you too Chas, and no he’s not with me,” Robert said, the worry he was feeling early bubbling up to the surface.

“When did you last see him?” Robert asked.

“This morning, he was a bit off with me but that’s normal nowadays.” Chas scoffed, clearly blaming Robert for her sons behaviour.

“And you didn’t think to ask him about it?”

“Don’t tell me how to handle my son Robert.”

“Chas, don’t you know what day it is?”

“What do you mean?”

“The date Chas, the date, oh god, I’m going to find him.” Robert said cutting Chas before she could say anything else.

Robert searched for his car keys in a blind panic.

He just hoped Aaron hadn’t done anything stupid.

“Robert what’s the matter?” Chrissies asked when she saw his face, he was as white as a sheet.

“Nothing, I just need to go out.”

“At this time?”

“Yes Chrissie at this time.”

He left without another word. He knew exactly where Aaron would be.

……………

“Aaron, Aaron, wake up.”

Robert found him slumped over the grave.

Aaron stirred, looked up at Robert and slurred,

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Neither should you.”

“I have every right to be here, unlike you.”

That’s when Robert noticed the blade.

He grabbed Aarons wrists and pulled up the sleeves, nothing.

He made Aarons stand up and took hold of his shirt,

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Making sure you’re alright Aaron.”

Robert lifted Aarons shirt and sighed with relief, wrapping his arms around Aaron and pulling him into a hug.

Aaron struggled against Robert, fighting to get free.

Robert let him go and he fell back to the ground.

Robert shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Aarons shoulders.

“Come on lets get you home it’s freezing out here.”

“I can’t leave him.” Aaron cried.

“You don’t have to.” Robert said sitting now next to Aaron and putting his arm around his waist.

Aaron tried to shrug him off but he didn’t have the energy, Robert was right it was cold and he was a little drunk.

“Please leave me alone Robert.”

“I’m not going anywhere Aaron, I care about you and I can’t watch you suffer.”

“What do you know about it Robert?”

“I know you, Aaron, you can’t punish yourself forever. It was his choice.”

“Stop Robert, stop, don’t talk about him like you knew him, he was hundred times better then you’ll ever be.”

“I’m not trying to replace him Aaron.”

“As if you think you’d ever be able to replace him, he was mine and I was his.” Aaron screamed at Robert, fresh hot tears burning his eyes.

“You’re so arrogant I don’t know what I ever saw in you.” Aaron shouted in anger.

“Aaron your drunk, let me take you home.” Robert said trying to pull him up.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Aaron please, it’s freezing out here.”

“Fine.” Aaron agreed reluctantly, only because he really was feeling the cold.

Robert helped Aaron stand and put his arms back on his waist and guided him towards the pub.

“I miss him Robert.”

“I know mate, I know.” Roberts heart was breaking, he wished he could take his pain away.

“I don’t know how to help you Aaron. Tell me what to do.”

“Be mine.” Aaron whispered to himself.

“Aaron.”

“Forget it Robert, I can take it from here,” he tried to walk away, staggered and fell against the wall of the woolpack.

“Aaron,” Robert called after him, his voice full of concern. He raced back over to his side just before Aaron slipped down the wall.

“Haha, I was doing this for you a few weeks ago, funny isn’t it how things change.”

Robert knew this was probably not the best time but he needed to make Aaron see that he still cared, when he thought Aaron might have hurt himself earlier he couldn’t handle it. Robert loved Aaron and he needed to know that.

“Aaron, I love you.”

“You carn’t say that to me again Robert, not when you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it Aaron, just give me some time.”

Before Aaron could answer, Chas came running out the back door to the pub. She rushed over all concerned and Aaron groaned,

“You called her?”

“She was worried about you.”

“Mum,” Aaron said holding his hands up so she couldn’t embrace him, “I’m fine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what today was?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“Look at the state of you, it obviously matters.”

“He’s dead mum, I killed him of course it fucking matters.”

Robert grasped Aaron and tried to calm him down.

“Aaron, calm down, she’s just trying to help.”

“I do not need your help,” Chas spat at Robert.

“Don’t talk to him like that” Aaron said to his mum.

“Lets get you inside” Robert said, a little smile on his face from Aarons words.

Robert sat Aaron on the stairs and turned to close the door,

“I’ve got him not, you can leave now,” Chas said bitterly.

Aaron reached out and grabbed hold of Roberts arm.

“Don’t go.”

He cupped Aarons face and said,

“I’m here.”

The feeling of Roberts hand on his face calmed Aaron down, he closed his eyes and lent his head against the bannister.

Robert looked at Chas smugly,

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Chas huffed and left them to it, she’d have words with Aaron in the morning.

“Come on sleepy head, lets get you to bed.”

Robert made Aaron stand up, spun him around, grasped either side of his waist and guided him up the stairs.

He leaned Aaron against the wall while he opened his bedroom door. When he turned back around Aaron was slumped against the wall and was beginning to slide down it.

“Whoa!” Robert exclaimed pulling Aaron back up and sitting him on the bed.

“Robert,” Aaron whispered.

“Yes Aaron.”

“Stay with me.”

“Aaron.”

“Please.”

He took his jacket off Aaron and placed it on the back of the door, he knelt in front of Aaron and took off his shoes placing them at the foot of the bed, he then removed his own shoes and climbed up on the bed, next to Aaron.

 _‘This was a novelty’_ he thought. Both of them fully dressed in bed together.

Aaron started to cry again.

Robert wrapped his arms around him and made soothing noises,

“It’s ok, it’s ok.”

“It’s not ok, it will never be ok.” Aaron cried.

“I’m here, just let it all out.”

Aaron snuggled into Roberts chest. This gesture brought tears to Roberts eyes, how could he ever leave this strong brave broken boy?

“Don’t leave me.” Aaron pleaded.

Robert planted a small kiss on top of Aarons head.

“Never.”


End file.
